The other day, my roommate and I got into a fight and she told me that she has 2 jobs, a car and she pays all her bills. This was an actual attempt at hurting my ego because I'm still in school and I'm 24. She attempted to throw in my face how unsuccessful I am compared to her. It didn't bother me but what made me think long and hard was her actual attempt at using that to show how accomplished she is. I mean, don't get me wrong, she's taking care of herself. But the fact that she literally tried bragging about it in a verbal fight had me completely thrown. My mother had 3 kids by my age, her own place, and a job supporting all 3 of us. I've had plenty of jobs. Having a job and being in school and having a car---those are not real accomplishments. Maybe as a child, those are things you aspire to be able to afford one day and once you can, it feels like you're on top of the world. But I was never throwing in her face the fact that I've been paying all my own bills before and after she was getting help from her parents and driving a car they paid for. I've been paying my own bills long before she could even begin to muster those words out of her mouth. So, that comment baffled me. I never had parents who paid for my college, she did. I never had parents who gave me a car to drive, she did. I never had parents who paid for some or most of my rent while I went to school, she did. She doesn't know what real struggle is and honestly, I've seen it, but I've never really been able to experience real struggle until now. Budgeting and saving. It's hard. Her inability to see how easy she has had it compared to me only showed her immaturity and how little she knows me and what I've gone through in life.
I'm spending a lot of time just trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be. These people out here might have it all figured out or maybe they just have their lives handed to them,
I don't know. But, I never did and here I stand, humble and excited for a life I don't yet know the future of. Success to me has nothing to do with what kind of car you drive or if you even have a car at all, where you stay, where you work, or how much money you have. Success to me is knowing everyday when you wake up that you are doing what you love and that you did it all for the right reasons.
I learned something about myself when she told me all that stuff. I learned what separates her and I. What makes us two entirely different souls. Our passion. I have a passion for life. And in the little time I've known her, I've come to realize that she has a passion for success. I too, have a passion for that inside of me, but it in no way overshadows my dedication to making myself truly happy.
She decided to gloat about her car and her jobs and her money. I'd rather not gloat about those things because they're just things. They're easy to come by with the right amount of hard work and dedication. But true happiness? I'd gloat about that any day. Everyday. My true happiness and passion for life greatly surpasses her small success in life so far. And it can only expand at this point. All those things she gloats about, I've had before and they never made me feel like I had a right to use that against anyone older or younger who was less fortunate or struggling. I had the two jobs, school, the car and paying my bills. I worked my ass off and now, times are hard for me but one day I'll have enough money to afford the fancy house, the nice cars, but I won't have to gloat because inside, I'll be fulfilled by the true happiness I never lost sight of. I never replaced happiness and success with materialistic things and accomplishments that only make us feel good about ourselves when others acknowledge them as worthy. My success comes from me and that's what I learned.
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